


They said time would heal me (but somehow I'm still broken)

by laddyqueen



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Modern AU, post heartbreak
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-20 14:19:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6010756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laddyqueen/pseuds/laddyqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seven years after Clarke left not only Lexa, but her entire life behind, she returns to Polis and is forced to face the consequence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Clarke had always been ambitious, to a fault really. She didn’t let other people get in the way of her goals or her personal happiness. That was how she found herself boarding a plan and leaving everyone she had ever known or loved behind. Her mother, her friends, even her girlfriend of almost 5 years. She was offered a position with Doctors Without Boarders, a position that would accelerate her career goals and look great on future applicants; in short it was position she couldn’t pass up. So she sold almost everything she owned save her camera, drawing supplies, clothes and a few other personal belongs, broke up with her girlfriend, and moved to Africa to start a 5 year position with Doctors Without Boarders. That was seven years ago. She skyped her mother and Raven when she could, but reliable wifi was hard to come by. For the first few years she had written home to her friends, but that had stopped years ago. So when she finally decided it was time to go home she realized that she didn’t know what she was returning too.

_Present Day_

Lexa groaned and hit snooze; it was Saturday but she had to be up early as she had agreed to watch Lincoln and Octavia’s children so they could have some much needed time together without their toddler and infant. When the second alarm went off 10 minutes later Lexa rolled out of bed and grabbed her phone. She had three unread messages.

**Form Anya Woods:** Still doing lunch today?

**From Octavia Blake-Woods:** Linc and I will drop the kids off at 10:30 unless that time doesn’t work for you anymore.

**From Bar girl:** Are you free tonight? Wanna meet up?

Lexa responded to her sister and sister-in-law assuring them that their plans were still on and choose to ignore the last text before heading to the kitchen to make herself coffee.

When Octaiva and Lincoln arrived with 4-year-old Nyko and 6-month-old Aurora Lexa was dressed and ready for a day with her niece and nephew 

After Lincoln and Octavia made sure that Lexa didn’t have any questions and knew the details of Aurora’s feeding schedule Octavia frowned.

“Lex, I have to tell you something.” Octavia started unsure of how to continue.

“Okay. What?” Lexa was worried there were so few topics that made her uncomfortable, and Octavia was clearly worried about telling her what ever it was. “Is everyone okay? Did something happen?”

“No everyone is fine. Raven showed up at the office a few days ago. I thought you should know she might come looking for you.” Octavia muttered.

Lexa paused. In college Octavia, Raven, and Lexa’s then girlfriend Clarke had been inseparable by extension Lexa and her siblings became involved in their friend group, especially after Octavia start seeing Lincoln. But when Clarke left and broke up with Lexa the group started to splinter. Raven had been officially adopted by Clarke’s parents when she was twelve and so she gravitated toward Clarke while Octavia was engaged to Lincoln so she stuck with Lexa and Anya. It wasn’t necessarily a mess break-up; it was hard for a break up to be messy when your other half wasn’t there, but it hadn’t been easy for Lexa by any means. She hadn’t seen or spoken Raven in a little of 6 years.

“What did she want?” Lexa finally managed to speak.

“To tell me she was back in town. Got a job at some company here in Polis. She wants to get the old group back together. In fact she mentioned dinner this Friday. You, me, Lincoln, Bell and Gina, and Anya. I told her I pass the message on and we’d think about it.” Octavia said.

“You should go. She was your friend before college too. It’s not fair to keep you from that part of your life, but I won’t go. Invite Anya she always had a soft spot for her.” Lexa said. She had moved on that part of her life was over, the part of her life the included _her_.

“Are you sure Lexa? If you don’t want us to…” Lincoln started trying to support his sister in this, even if he thought she was being stupid.

Lexa cut him off. “Yes Linc I’m sure. I don’t want to see _her_ goddamn sister, because I don’t want to hear about _her._ I know that you think I’m still hung up on her but its been seven years I’ve moved on and just don’t want to go back there, not now not ever. Now go enjoy your kid free afternoon.”

Lexa pushed a protesting Octaiva and Lincoln out the door and started to gather the things she would need to take the kids with her to lunch with Anya.

* * *

Clarke found a giddy Raven waiting for her a baggage claim. The brunette pulled her into a tight hug. 

“God I’ve missed you so much, Clarke.” Raven said with a smile and kissed the blonde on the cheek. “I can’t believe you are here, not just in the United States but also in Polis! What happened to saving the world one sick kid at a time?”

“I’m happy to see you too Raven. Its been way to long.” Clarke struggled out of Raven’s grip. “And I’m still going to help treat sick kids, but at Polis Hospital instead of in the third world. It was time I came home.”

Raven pestered Clarke with questions about her life over the last seven years all the way to the apartment that they would share. When they got there Clarke unceremoniously flopped onto her bed and fell asleep.

Clarke awoke a few hours later to the smell of Polis’s finest pizza in her kitchen. She smiled and headed to the kitchen where she found Raven eating a slice over the open box.

“Do we not own plates?” Clarke asked helping herself to some pizza but also not bothering to get herself a plate.

“Yeah but I don’t want to half to wash them.” Raven said with a shrug.

After the finished eating the were sitting on the coach, some show Clarke had never heard off, but Raven loved on in the background.

“Wanna talk about it?” Raven asked muting the TV.

“What?” Clarke said, pulled form her thoughts by Raven’s questions.

“Whatever happened to make you quit your job after seven years and move back to Polis, do you want to talk about it?” Raven asked again. She knew Clarke well, or at least she had seven years ago, and she knew that Clarke never did anything without a reason, a reason that normally had to do with her career. “Not that Polis Hospital isn’t great, lord knows I am the expert on that place, but isn’t this a step down, and something that was never in your plan?”

“Raven, just drop it. I’m not interested in talking about it okay.” Clarke muttered getting up from the coach.

“I’m meeting O and Lincoln and the old gang for dinner Friday night you should come. I know they miss you too.” Raven said, taking the hint and changing the subject.

“I don’t know Raven. Lexa probably still hates me, and with Lexa’s hate comes Anya’s and maybe Lincoln’s and god knows Octavia will side with the father of her children, not that I blame her, but its been seven years, I don’t fit in their lives anymore regardless.” Clarke sighed.

Raven frowned. “Its been seven years no one can hold a grudge that long, Princess. Please?”

“No Raven. I’m gonna go to bed. I have a meeting at the Hospital in the morning and have some serious jet lag. Goodnight.”

“Night Clarke.” Raven said and switch the TV off figuring she should get some sleep too.

Clarke unpacked her few belongings and changed into pajamas before crawling into bed. She slept horribly that night waking up multiple times with tears streaming down her face.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven had dinner and drinks with old friends. Lexa vists old memories. Clarke reveals why she came back.

Raven laughed at Octavia’s story about Nyko and smiled. It felt so good to be back with her friends again. It felt so normal, like no time at all had passed. Oddly it was Anya how brought up Clarke, Raven had expected it to be Octavia.

“Have you heard from Clarke? I got a letter from her at New Years four years ago then nothing. I thought she was dead for a while but figured Abby would have told us if she was.” Anya asked, always one to say what was on her mind. “Lexa wouldn’t come cause she was afraid to hear the Clarke was happy without her.”

Raven looked down at her leg and fiddled with the brace the way she always did when she was nervous, which was rare. “Yeah I’ve heard from her. She kept in contact as much as she could, and when she couldn’t reach me Abby updated me. We would go months without hearing from her though, it was hard on Abby.”

The group was quite for a moment until Bellamy spoke. “When was the last time you heard from her?”

“Um a few hours ago actually. She texted me to let me know she is home from work. She, um, is living with me. She works at the hospital; you know the one she claimed she couldn’t work at because it was so small and insignificant.” Raven said, adding the jib at the end. She had been so surprised when Clarke called to tell her that she had accepted a job at Polis Hospital, the same hospital she had stuck her nose up at seven years earlier. “She’s different. Something clearly happened to her. She won’t talk about it. She didn’t want me to tell you all she’s back. She’s afraid you still hate her because Lexa still hates her.”

Anya snorted. “Lexa could never hate Clarke. She loves her too much, even now.”

“Would you all be willing to see her, someday I mean? I understand if you don’t want to, especially right now, but I think it will help her get through whatever this is.” Raven trailed off. The group had grown awkwardly silent.

“Well I for one would like to meet this Clarke. I’ve heard so little about her, but all that I have heard is just so extreme. It would be nice to put a face with the name.” Gina, Bellamy’s fiancé said, trying to lighten the mood. Gina had only joined the little group three years ago when she met Bellamy, so she had never meant Clarke 

“Lets talk about something else.” Octavia muttered, desperate to change the subject. “Raven, what’s your new job like?”

The rest of the evening went well, the subject of Clarke was pushed aside and the group discussed all the new things in their lives as well as old memories. Anya promised to force Lexa to their next get together. All-in-all the evening was a success.

* * *

Lexa had just gotten Aurora back to sleep when she got the text form Anya saying the would be a little later then they had originally planned, and that Raven said hello. She sighed, from the jumbled misspelled text from Anya it was clear that the group was having fun, fun like the used too.

Lexa got up and headed to the spare bedroom in her apartment. She found the key to the closet in the bedside table and unlocked the closet for the first time in years. In side there was a single box labeled “Clarke.” None of her friends new she still had this box. She locked in away before they helped her move into this apartment and told them the landlord didn’t have the key. Octavia and Anya had bets as to what the previous owners left in there and were constantly trying to get Lexa to get the lock changed so they could find out.

Lexa lowered herself to the floor and sat cross-legged before taking a deep breath and removing the lid from the box. It was full of all the memories of Clarke, all the memories she liked to pretend she didn’t have, the memories that re-broke her heart to think about. She pulled out the first item, a napkin form the bar she met Clarke at, complete with Clarke’s name and phone number. There were countless letters and notes form their time together, every scrap of paper Clarke had ever sketch on and left were Lexa could get her hands on it, gifts from five years of birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries. Lexa felt tears begin to run down her face, as she pulled out each item until the box has almost empty. The last item was a small velvety box; Lexa hadn’t taken it out of the Clarke box since she put it in seven years ago. Anyone who saw that little box would know exactly what it was, but no one knew it existed. She hadn’t told anyone, not even Anya that she had purchased it, what she had planned, just how in love with Clarke she really was. There wasn’t a day that went by that she wasn’t glad no one knew; she didn’t think she could bear for them to know just how broken Clarke had left her.

She carefully repacked the box and locked it back in her closet. She returned the key to the bedside table and returned to the living room after checking on the kids. She sank into the coach and picked up her book. When Octavia, Lincoln and Anya arrived a little over an hour later there was no evidence to Lexa’s journey down memory lane.

* * *

Clarke’s first week back at home had gone well. She had meet up with her mother, who had flown in from Seattle, and Raven for dinner earlier in the week and was looking forward to spending the evening home alone while Raven was out with their former friends. She made margaritas and found a few rom-com to watch, ones that Raven had suggested form the last seven years. Several drinks and a movie and half later, Clarke was regretting her movie choices.

“Rom-Coms suck.” She muttered aloud. “The are not realistic, no one breaks up and the gets back together and lives happily ever after. No one finds love again after they lost it the first time. You don’t get second chances.”

She flipped of the TV and opened her sketchbook. She sketched for a while until she began to recognize the faces she was drawing. She shoved the sketchbook away and drew her knees to her chest. She didn’t let the tears fall as she sat staring out the window, wondering how she had made such a mess of her life.

“I had a plan. What happened to the plan?” She said trying to wipe her eyes dry.

“Talking to ourselves are we?” Clarke jumped when she heard Raven’s voice behind her.

She looked at the time on her phone, 12:30. “I hadn’t realized it was so late.”

“Clarke, please talk to me. You are clearly upset about something? I can help, but only if you talk to me.” Raven said and she sat on the coach across from the blonde.

Clarke was silent for several minutes before she sighed and turned to face Raven. “I thought I was doing the right thing.”

Raven pulled a now sobbing Clarke closer to her. “Its okay Clarke.”

Clarke pulled away and dried her eyes. “I thought that my career and my happiness was more important then anything else. I thought my career would make me happy, but I was wrong. I thought that if I was helping people I would fell complete and all the crap, but I’m not. For seven years I watched everyone around me achieve what I was missing. Most of the other doctors left after a few years to return to home to their families, but not me. A few months ago I was reassigned to the first village I worked in, to oversee things. The same man was working as the traditional healer as was there seven years earlier. He recognized me and asked what brought me back. I told I never left, that I hadn’t found what I was looking for here yet. We spent a lot of time talking between treating patients; he kept saying over and over again that I hadn’t found what I was looking for because I was looking in the wrong places. Eventually I realized he was right, and more importantly that I was happy, before with…” She trailed off. She couldn’t bring herself to say her name. “But that doesn’t matter cause I threw it all way. I was so wrong about everything, Raven, and I don’t know why I came back here; what I think I’m going to achieve here. I just miss her so much.”

Raven pulled Clarke in close again. “I think you should see her.”

She felt Clarke shake her head against her chest. “No. She hates me.”

“She doesn’t hate you Clarke.” Raven assured, thinking back to what Anya had said at dinner _‘She loves her too much, even now.’_

“I’m sure she does. I’m going to bed. She you tomorrow.” Clarke said and she pulled away from Raven and climbed off the coach. “Goodnight, Raven.”

“Goodnight Clarke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. I hope you enjoyed this update. I just want to take a moment to make sure that everyone is okay in the wake of last thursdays episode. Please know if you ever need to talk that I am on tumblr under the same name (http://laddyqueen.tumblr.com/) and you can always message me. 
> 
> Much love.  
> -Laddyqueen


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven and Anya have a discussion. Clarke and Lexa must face their past.

Raven woke up to an empty apartment; Clarke left a note saying she had some shopping to do and should be back by lunch. Raven sighed and picked up her phone.

 **To Anya:** We need to talk about Clarke and Lexa.

Raven went the kitchen in search of breakfast. She smiled when Anya responded right away.

 **From Anya:** Agreed. Grounder’s at 11?

 **To Anya:** Sounds good. See you then.

Raven shoved the last of her poptart in her month and headed to the shower to get ready for lunch.

At quarter after 11 Raven got to Grounders to find a relatively annoyed Anya already there and waiting for her. “I thought we agreed on 11.”

“We did. I’m just running a little late. Clarke got home earlier then expected and I had to come up with a reason why she couldn’t come with me.” Raven explained taking the seat across form Anya.

“I guess I can forgive you. It would be pretty hard to talk about Clarke if she were here.” Anya muttered. “I ordered for you, I hope you don’t mind.” 

“That’s fine. So you still remember what I like?” Raven smirked. She and Anya used to have lunch like this all the time. Those dates usually ended in sex that they didn’t tell anyone they were having. But like everything else, when Clarke left, their relationship fell apart.

“Yeah. It’s a memorable order. What did you want to talk about?” Anya asked, getting to the point.

“What did you mean when you said that Lexa loves Clarke, even now?” Raven asked after a moment of silence.

“I mean that she loves her. I think that a part of Lexa will always be in love with Clarke, and it’s a part of her too big to allow her to fall for someone else.” Anya replied. “She tried to move on and date other people. She was with a girl name Costia for about seven months two years after Clarke left. It took seven months for Costia to realize that Lexa was in love with someone who clearly wasn’t her, and that no amount of time being with her was going to change that. Costia confronted Lexa about it, and they broke up. She hasn’t even attempted anything other then one-night stands since then. Its kinda sad really.”

“Clarke admitted to me last night that she regrets leaving, that she made the wrong choice all those years ago.” Raven muttered.

Anya frowned. “None of this means anything. Clarke broke Lexa when she left. I’m not about to stand back and watch my sister set herself up for the same heartbreak. This isn’t something we can interfere with. Do I believe that those two are soul mates, or some other romantic crap like that? Absolutely. Do I think that means that they will end up together? No. Raven, you have to promise me you won’t try to force them together. Right now they are both in places where they can live their lives relatively misery free, lets not mess with that.”

“But they could be truly happy together Anya, don’t they deserve that?” Raven asked.

“Yes, but there is to much risk in the two of them together. Lexa will not survive another break up with Clarke. And I’m sorry, but I can’t trust Clarke not to run off as soon as a better career opportunity crops up.” Anya replied, growing annoyed with Raven’s insistence that the two girls belonged together.

“Anya, you can’t really believe they won’t run into each other. Polis isn’t that big.” Raven chided. “They are going to half to deal with this at some point.”

“Yes and we need to let them deal with this in their own time.” Anya said.

Raven sighed. “So you aren’t even going to tell Lexa that she is back in town? Just gonna let her run into at some store and deal with the shock of running into the girl that broke your heart at Trader Joes?”

“Yes. If I tell Lexa Clarke is back she will freak out. Try to avoid places she might she her, stop coming out with us on the rare occasions that she does.” Anya explained. “She’s my sister and my best friend. I know what’s best for her. Trust me on this. And since this mess is Clarke’s fault in the first place she’s just going to have to deal.” 

Raven nodded and started at her half eaten lunch. “Okay. Fine. We won’t tell Lexa Clarke is back, but when this plan blows up in your face don’t come crying to me.”

The two girls finished the lunch in tense silence. Raven knew that Anya had made some valid points, but she still thought they were handling the situation all-wrong. She would respect Anya’s wishes and not interfere, at least for now.

* * *

Raven had been right. Lexa and Clarke would run into each other sooner rather then later. The benefit of having your ex-girlfriend leave the country hours after your breakup means you don’t have to change where you shop to avoid running into her, so Lexa was still frequenting all the places they used to shop when the lived together. Clarke, having returned to the city was shopping in those same places, because they were familiar.

Clarke was in grocery shopping Wednesday after work, barely two weeks after returning to Polis. She hadn’t given any thought to the potential of running into Lexa, what she would say, how she would handle it; she just knew that they needed groceries. She wasn’t really paying attention to what she was doing. She turned the corner and ramed her cart into some women’s back.

“Oh my god I’m so…” Clarke started to apologize

“Hey! Watch where you’re…!” The stranger cut Clarke and whipped around to give Clarke a piece of her mind but stopped dead when she saw the blonde.

Lexa didn’t say anything she just started at Clarke opening and closing her mouth. Finally she grabbed her purse from the cart in front of her, somehow without taking her piercing green eyes of Clarke.

“Fuck you.” She spat and hurried away, leaving Clarke in shock.

“Well that went just as I expected.” Clarke muttered under her breath before taking her still empty cart to the front of the store and going home. Whatever food she could scrounge up at the apartment would have to do.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya and Raven each deal with the aftermath of Clarke and Lexa's surprise meeting. Raven formulates a plan.

Lexa didn’t even knock when she got to Anya’s apartment. “Did you know?”

Anya shot up when she heard the door open and reached for her shirt.

“This is going to end well.” She muttered as she redressed and heading to met Lexa at the door.

Lexa was fuming. “Anya, did you fucking know?”

“Know what Lexa? You’re going to have to be more specific.” Anya played innocent as she pulled three beers from the fridge, handing one to her sister.

Lexa was about to ask whom the third beer was for when Raven stepped into the kitchen. “What the fuck Anya? First I run into Clarke at Trader Joe’s, or rather she literally runs into me with a fucking cart, then I come her to confront you, cause I thought my sister would have told me my ex-girlfriend is back in town, to find out that she was been to busy fucking Raven Reyes to mention it to me.”

“Lexa, calm down. Just take a deep breath and relax.” Anya reached out to comfort her sister.

Lexa swatted Anya’s hand away. “Did you know? It’s a simple question.”

“Yes, I knew. Raven mentioned it last Friday at dinner.” Anya’s voice was small and quite, so unlike her usual confident self.

“And you didn’t tell me. Anya, how could you/” Leas was on the verge of tears she was so angry and upset.

“Lex, I thought this was what was best for you. I thought it would be best if you found our yourself so you didn’t get all avoidance-denail-drama queen on me.” Anya stated regaining her confidence.

“I thought we should tell you.” Raven interjected.

“Raven. Please shut up.” Anya shouted, knowing that Raven’s presence was only making the situation worse.

“You should have told me. I know you think that you are protecting me, that I can’t handle this, but I had a right to know. More then any of the rest of you I had a right to know.” Lexa paused and looked down at the bottle in her hands. “I loved her so much, Anya. I was going to propose to her, and she left me. She broke me.”

Anya and Raven were both speechless. They had all thought that Clarke and Lexa would spend the rest of their lives together but still the news was shocking. Raven was the first to regain the ability to speak. “What?” 

“Proposal. Marriage. All that shit. I had a ring and everything. Dinner reservations. The whole nine-yards.” Lexa explained; she was still angry but was starting to calm down.

“I’m sorry. I should have told you about Clarke.” Anya said, trying to wrap her head around the bombshell her sister had just dropped.

Lexa took a deep breath. “It’s fine. I may have over reacted a little bit. I was just shocked. You should have told me about you and Raven, as well.”

Anya chucked and finished her beer. “I would have eventually.”

Raven’s phone rang. “Speak of the devil”

“Hey Princess. What’s up?”

Lexa and Anya could hear Clarke’s frantic voice on the other side. “Calm down. I’ll be home in a bit. Order Chinese and we can talk over dinner.”

Raven hung up the phone. “That was Clarke. I have to go now. Anya, text me. Lexa, it was nice seeing you again, though I had hoped out reunion would be under better circumstances. Anyway, see you soon bitches!”

With that Raven left leaving Lexa and Anya alone.

* * *

Clarke was sitting on the coach half way through a bottle of wine when Raven got home.

“Clarke, I’m home.” Raven noticed the food sitting on the table. She grabbed the food and a couple of forks and headed to the living room in search of Clarke.

“Oh Clarke.” Raven muttered and took the bottle from her friends hands. She replaced it with food. “Eat.”

After several moments of silence Clarke sighed and put her dinner down. “I ran into Lexa today, literally ran into her with a cart and Trader Joe’s.”

“Yeah I know. She was pissed. She’ll calm down though.” Raven sighed and took a swig of Clarke’s wine.

“Yeah the phrase ‘Fuck you’ really suggests that she’ll come around. Raven, she hates me. And…” Clarke trailed off; tears had started to run down her checks.

“She was probably just shocked to see you. I mean you don’t expect to see your ex-girlfriend who left you to go to Africa in Trader Joe’s on a Wednesday evening. Clarke, put yourself in her shoes.” Raven tried to calm Clarke down. “I’m sure she will come around.”

“Why are you so sure she doesn’t hate me?” Clarke asked.

“The love that you two had just doesn’t go away. I think you and I both know that is true. I mean is she going to be fucking pissed at you, yes. But hate you, no. I don’t think she hates you.” Raven said. _I know she loves you_ , she wanted to add, but didn’t. Lexa needed to be the one to tell Clarke. Ravens only job was to convince Clarke that there was still a chance for her and Lexa, even if it was only a small chance.

“I don’t know, Ray. I left. I just left. Its not like we were fighting. No, everything was perfect and I up and left. I basically told her that she wasn’t enough for me; that I couldn’t be happy with her. How could she forgive me after that?” Clarke sighed. “I shouldn’t have come back here.”

“Of course you should have, Clarke. If nothing else you need to closure. Lexa too. The way things ended between you two there was no closure, no big blow up, nothing, Clarke. You need to see her; you needed, at the very least, to get closure so that both of you can move on.” Raven knew that she would never convince Clarke that she needed to see Lexa so that they could get back together, but to move on she might just convince her of that.

“I don’t know. Maybe your right.” Clarke picked uo the bottle of wine and took another swig. “How would I even go about getting into contact with her? Just hang around Trader Joe’s until the next time she needed milk?”

“I could talk to Anya. See if she could put the two of you in contact.” Raven offered, knowing it would take even more convince to get Anya on board.

“Let me think about it okay. I just got back. I need more time to adjust to all the other changed in my life before I throw Lexa into the mix.” Clarke sighed again. How could she have fucked up her life so badly? “I’m going to go lay down. Its been a long day. Night.”

“Night Clarke. Please think about what I said about meeting with Lexa.” Raven said.

Clarke nodded and went to her room.

Once Raven put the left overs away, she went to her own room and called Anya.

_“Hey, Raven. What do you want?”_

“Is Lexa still there or can you talk?”

“ _Lexa’s still here but asleep so I can talk. How’s Clarke?”_

“Clarke’s upset. She blames herself for everything, which you know it kinda is her fault, but it still hurts me to she her so broken. I almost have her convinced to talk to Lexa. I told her I would ask you for help setting up a meeting between them. What do you think?”

_“I don’t know. I don’t think that is what is best for Lexa.”_

“Anya, at the very least she needs closure. And let’s consider how well it went the last time you made a decision about her and Clarke for her. Are you really going to make the same mistake twice?”

_“I know. I know. I’ll talk to her, okay? Ask her what she wants to do and call you so you can talk to Clarke.”_

“Okay. Sounds like a plan.”

“ _Yeah. Night Raven, talk to you tomorrow.”_

“Night An.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke are convinced to meet and talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in up date. I'm trying really hard to balance this fic and I found strength in you as well as school crap. Anyway hope you enjoy.

Lexa awoke to the smell of Anya’s chocolate chip waffles. She groaned and rolled off the coach.

“Hmm. Smells good, Anya. What’s the occasion?”

“I though you would enjoy the. Ya know a good pick me up after the events fo yesterday.” Anya said, far to chipper for this early in the morning. She put a plate of waffles in front of Lexa. “Orange juice?”

Lexa nodded and dug into her breakfast. She looked up when she heard the juicer. “Fresh squeezed? What is it Anya?”

“I can’t make my baby sister a nice breakfast after a rough night.” Anya asked, feigning innocence.

“No. Just waffles yes, but fresh juice, nope. What is it?” Lexa gave her older sister a pointed stare.

“Fine, but let me finish before you go all lextraTM on me.” Anya said and paused.

“Okay, but seriously how bad could it be. I already know about Clarke, that you hid her return from me, and that you are fucking Raven. What could you possible have to drop on me? Are you pregnant?” Lexa snapped.

“No. God, no. Lexa, you know I’m sleeping with a women.” Anya paused and collected herself. “I think you should meet up with Clarke, you know for closure.”

There was a long pause while Lexa was thinking about what Anya had said before the brunette responded. “I don’t think so, Anya. It’s not a good idea’s. She’s moved on. She won’t want to meet with me. It’s just a bad idea.”

“Lexa, I think it’s a good idea. At least think about it. I could talk to Raven and ask her to run this by Clarke. Please Lexa, think about it.” Anya said, knowing that she must remain calm and not let Lexa think she was pushing her into this if she wanted any chance of Lexa agreeing to meet up with Clarke.

“I’ll think about it, Anya. Talk to Raven but I can’t image that Clarke will agree to anything.” Lexa said with a sigh.

“Okay. I’ll do that. And thanks Lexa, for thinking about it.” Anya said, trying to hide her smile.

Lexa finished eating breakfast in silence. Anya picked up her phone and sent a text to Raven. 

 **To Raven Fuckin’ Reyes:** Lexa said she’ll think about it. You work on Clarke. I know I can convince Lexa.

* * *

Raven smiled when she got the text from Anya. She climbed off the coach and made her way to Clarke’s room. “Wakey wakey, Clarkey!”

“No.” Clarke groaned and pulled the blankets over her head.

Raven climbed into Clarke’s bed and pulled the blankets down from the blonde’s face. “It’s time to get up, Princess.”

Clarke groaned again. “Why are you here, Raven?”

“Anya just texted me.” Raven stated.

Clarke opened her eyes. “Why do I care?”

“It was about Lexa.” Raven said, still irritatingly vague on the subject.

“Oh. What about specifically?” Clarke’s voice was soft.

“She said she’d like to meet up. To talk and get some much needed closure.” Raven replied, slowly and careful of her word choice.

Clarke laid silent in bed next to Raven. Her mind was reeling. Never in a million years did she think that Lexa would agree to meet up with her, not after she had crusher her. What was she going to do?

After a while Raven spoke again. “Say something, Clarke. Please?”

“What to you want me to say Raven.” Clarke snapped. “Sorry. I’m just shocked. I didn’t think she would agree to it.”

“Well, obviously she wants closure too. Clarke, I really think you should do this. Raven sat up. “Clarke I love you. You are strong and independent but you’re not yourself Clarke. I want to see you happy again.”

Clarke sat up slowly. “Maybe you are right. Tell Anya to tell her that I’ll meet with her. Give her my number so we can make plans.”

“Oh. Thank you Clarke! You won’t regret this.” Rave shouted and threw her arms around Clarke before running off in search of her phone to tell Anya the good news.

“Well that was a little weird.” Clarke muttered to herself as she climbed out of bed to find herself some breakfast.

* * *

A week and a half later Lexa was sitting in Grounders waiting form Clarke to arrive. Anya was sitting on the other side of the diner so that she could bale anytime she wanted if things with Clarke went south. She looked at her phone. 12:13. It was so typical for Clarke to be late. A few moments later Clarke burst through the door followed by Raven. Clarke looked around frantically. She spotted Lexa and turned to say something to Raven, who had already joined Anya. With that Clarke sighed and walked over to the table Lexa was sitting at.

Lexa awkwardly stood up when Clarke reached the table. She offered her hand to Clarke. “Hello.”

“Hello, sorry I’m late.” Clarke awkwardly shook Lexa’s hand; it felt like to much and not enough all at once. They stood awkwardly staring at each other until their waiter came over and asked if they would be ordering. Both girls nodded and sat down. They ordered drinks, water for Lexa and coffee for Clarke. Lexa almost smiled at the memory of Clarke and her coffee. She used to joke that the blonde could single handedly prevent Columbia from going bankrupt with the amount of coffee she drinks.

The waiter returned a few minutes later with their drinks and took their orders. Eventually Clarke broke the awkward silence between them. “You never left.”

Lexa looked across at Clarke. It hadn’t been a question but she knew she had to respond nonetheless. “No.”

“Are you still with the same firm?” Clarke asked. Lexa was a layer. She got a job right out of law school at a large firm but ideally she wanted to use her degree to help the little man, the voiceless and abused.

“Um, no. Actually, three years ago one of the senior member, Indra Porter and I left and started our own firm. We represent a couple non-profits, though most of the work we do is with social serves.” Lexa explained, a smile spreading across her face. Her firm was her pride and joy. “We are trying to get a contract with Polis Hospital’s Pediatric Unit. They have this program where they pay for children’s medical procedures when their parents can’t, and I want to represent them, provide legal advice and the such.”

“Wow, Lexa that’s great! I can put in a good word for you if you’d like. What the firm’s name?” Clarke said.

“Woods and Porter Legal. You have pull there?” Lexa replied. She wasn’t aware that Clarke was in a position that they would listen to her about this sort of thing.

“Yeah. I’m actually the new Head of Pediatrics at Polis.” Clarke muttered.

“Oh, Raven said you took the position you were offered before.” Lexa said, shocked by Clarke’s title and the realization that they might be working together.

“No. I’m in the position they were grooming me for. They wanted me in pediatrics so that when my predecessor retired they could install me as head. I have the mane.” Clarke sighed, leave it to raven to tell everyone she took a job she once said was below her.

Lexa nodded, at a loss for words. What was she supposed to say to this woman who was so suddenly in every aspect of her life again?

Their waiter came back with the food. The two girls, practically standgers after all this time, ate in silence. Lexa found herself wondering why Clarke had wanted this meeting? What could she think she would get out of this? Why had Lexa agreed to it? What did _she_ want out of it?

“Why?” Of all the questions running through Lexa’s mind that was the only word to come tumbling out of her mouth.

Clarke looked up from her lunch. “What?”

“Why did you leave me?” Lexa asked the question that had plagued her mind for seven years.

It was a loaded question. The simple answer was ‘to take a job’ but Clarke knew that that wasn’t the answer that Lexa wanted nor was it the answer she deserved. “It was an opportunity that I couldn’t pass up. I made a choice I thought was best. Lexa, I don’t know what else to say.”

“Really anything other then that Clarke. That’s a pretty shit reason to just up and leave.” Lexa said, clearly fighting to remain calm.

“Hell, Lexa. It’s the truth. Do you want to make up another reason?” Clarke snapped.

“No, but tell me this, Clarke.” Lexa snapped the ‘k’ at the end of her name and fixed the blonde in a meaningful glare. “Who was that decision best for?”

“Me. Us.” Clarke answered, knowing this would blow up in her face.

“How was it best for us Clarke? It ended us.” Lexa questioned.

“Because long distance doesn’t work, Lexa. Everyone knows that.” Clarke replied. “It was better to end things before it got messy.”

“But you didn’t give us a chance. Maybe we would have worked out. You made a choice about us by yourself? How could that be what was best for us? No it was what was best, and easiest, for you, just you.” Lexa said, her voice rising slightly.

When Clarke didn’t say anything Lexa started up again. “Put yourself in my shoes, Clarke. I came home from work to find you sitting one our coach with your bags packed. I asked what was going one and you said ‘I got a job with Doctors without Boarders. I’m moving to Africa.’ So I asked when and congratulated you even though I’m scared to death what this means for us, because I’m a damn good girlfriend. And you said, ‘my flight leaves in seven hours, Goodbye Lexa,’ and walked out the door. You didn’t even have the decency to give me any warning, to give me a chance to think things through fully. You told me and then left. I didn’t see or hear from you for seven fucking years and then out of the blue you’re in Trader Joes.”

The entire diner was silent. Lexa was on her feet shouting at Clarke, who was trying to think of anything to say. Lexa took a deep breath to gather herself. “I love you so much Clarke, but you fucking broke me beyond repair when you left me, and I don’t think I will ever be able to forgive you for that.”

Lexa pulled a wad of cash out of her wallet and threw it on the table before storming out of the diner. Anya pulled money out of her own wallet as well. “That’s my cue to go. See ya, Raven.”

Raven nodded and paid her own bill before walking across the diner to sit with Clarke. She found the blonde writing furiously.

“Watcha writing there, Clarkey?” Raven asked as she sat down and began to eat Lexa’s left over fries.

“A letter to Lexa. Will you give it to Anya to give to her?” Clarke relied without looking up.

“Yeah. Wanna talk about it?” Raven asked taking a bite out of Lexa’s sandwich.

“No. Just get this to Lexa, please.” Clarke picked up Lexa’s cash and put it in the envelope with the letter before writing Lexa’s name on the front and handing it to Raven. With that Clarke got up to pay for both meals before leaving the diner.

**Author's Note:**

> Any similarities between this fic and other works are non intentional. I don't own the 100 or any of its characters. Also this work is unbeta-ed (other then me) so I apologize for any mistakes.


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